(20) CONCLUSION!

It's not easy to put my finger on one thing I will take from my first semester of my freshman year at BYU. What is easy, however, is saying that I can learn from this new experience --- no question. Classes are much harder and it seems like there is less time in the day when there is so much to do. Worries try to cloud your mind and in turn keep you from enjoying each day. I'm not going to let the stress of college overtake the beauty of the experience. Bottom line is... it's a blessing to even be able to attend school here. I will continue to rely on faith and prayers each day -- we all need this to keep pressing forward when times get hard. I know we can all make it through if we keep working hard and pushing through.

Throughout the course of this semester in this class, I've been able to challenge myself. Never before had I written a 10-page research paper! It took lots of time and effort, which all worthwhile things do. When Sister Steadman first said we would be making our own blogs and regularly writing on them I didn't want to do it. I can say I've enjoyed writing this blog, and I know it will be cool to look back on it. I hope I can take what I've learned and continue to grow to be an effective writer. I've experimented with new things and it hasn't been without failure. Writing is all about trying over and over again while getting better with every draft and every correction and revision. I've found that the hardest thing about doing new, challenging tasks is the beginning. Once you get the ball rolling, the momentum will carry you. So, whenever you are stuck, keep going! Then, when you finally get over the hill, jump on the roller coaster and enjoy the ride. Life can have many ups and downs. I've learned this first hand, but it doesn't come without improvement as long as you have the right attitude.

(19) Mindfulness

In one of my favorite classes, Student Development 109, we are working in groups on a stress management project. Mindfulness is the technique we have been assigned to research. We all know what it means to be mindful, it's to be aware or conscious of something. Mindfulness is especially helpful with reducing stress. When you focus on the present moment without reacting to your thought and emotions. Breathing is key to relaxing you body and mind. Although you can't completely turn off you mind, simply letting your mind relax and allowing it to drift like waves on the sea can reduce stress levels significantly.

Psychology Today says Mindfulness is, "a state of active, open attention on the present. When you're mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience."

What you might not have known.. BYU has great resources for stress management. If you visit caps.byu.edu, you will find amazing, FREE services offered to all BYU students. I would highly recommend checking it out and giving the meditation recordings a try. We found that this can greatly benefit students as well as anyone else. Some of the top benefits include, decrease in academic stress, improved performance, brain efficiency, reduction in anxiety, happier and more confidence.

(18) What are you thankful for?

So my sister did a post on her personal blog about what each of our family members was thankful for. I thought I would also do one like it :) Here is what my family members said:


Grandma said:
"The thing I like most about Thanksgiving, besides the days off work and an extra long weekend, is spending the majority of the day with my wonderful family. It's awesome to enjoy great food and fun times visiting and playing games and putting our annual puzzle together. We gorged ourselves and spent quality time together. Oh how I love this fantastic family of ours!!"

Mom said:
"I'm so thankful for a day that it give us to reflect on what we are thankful for...we actually try to do it all month. What is so special about that is that it helps us really reflect and be grateful for even the small things, that sometimes we take for granted...cars, shelter, food, clothes, etc...we get into the regular routine of every day and don't stop and realize so many around the world do not even have these basics that we take for granted, and to me that's what makes Thanksgiving day so very important, if we do our part and really stop and count our blessings on that day😊"
That is so good to remember every day... stop and realize how blessed you are.
My older brother Chandler:
"I love the meaning and spirit of gratitude that comes with thanksgiving. It seems to bring a unity that other days often lack. Seeing family and friends come together and the love you can see between them is fun to see and experience too."
Question #2: What are you thankful for?

Grandma:
"The things I am most thankful for are: an amazingly wonderful and helpful husband, six beautiful children and their spouses and 21 of the most loved and fantastic grandchildren on earth. Also for the best and most loving siblings ever. I am very grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and the peace it brings to our lives, for home and freedom and health and good jobs. Life is wonderful and full of so many blessings, including terrific and supportive friends!!"

Mom:
"I would have to say that there really is no way to name off everything..but for sure I'm so very thankful for my kids, as I tell you all the time,  I live for you!! Life can be tough, but the thing is, is we always forgive and hopefully forget as well. We have been through a lot together...good times, but also some very rough times and you guys have had to suck it up with me so much and are such great kids in every way!! They're just not enough words to let you know how much I think of you and love you with all I have!  And for all of those who reach out to me and try to lift my spirits, when I feel like I'm not enough!  I do my best ,but it's so hard to hold yourself up all the time. Also for being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints! For the blessings that come from living righteously and knowing why we are here, and to have His help to get us back to live with Him again❤"

Chandler said:
"I'm thankful first and foremost for God and His son Jesus Christ. They are the strength and hope that drives our spirits. They truly love and uplift everyone who comes to Them and especially on days we can't seem to help ourselves. I'm grateful for my family and all the love they show to me, even when I often don't deserve it. Also for the food and shelter they have provided for us younger ones for so many years that can't ever be repaid. And lastly I'm grateful for the Saviors Atonement and the lifetime of chances it provides for me to overcome myself and become the person God and myself want me to be. Also for the privilege it gives me to become the person my future spouse and children deserve."

(17) Rhetorical Analysis: Jimmy Valvano's ESPYS Speech

Enrique Garcia

Steadman

Writing 150

12 October 2015

The Resounding Effect of Cancer

    Jimmy Valvano, a very successful basketball coach, player, and broadcaster, delivered an emotional acceptance speech at the nationally televised ESPY Awards on ESPN in 1993.  The ESPY Awards is an annual award ceremony in which awards are presented to individuals to recognize their achievements in both sports-related performance and high character outside of sports. This moment in particular was more about the latter - Jimmy Valvano’s example of strength. On March 3, 1993, Jimmy V, as many called him, received the Arthur Ashe Courage Award. Just nine months prior to speaking, Jimmy was diagnosed with a severe form of cancer called Metastatic Adenocarcinoma. It was evident, by the way he spoke, his time on earth was quickly coming to an end. This all amplified the emotions in the room that night as he spoke to millions of avid sports fans, family, friends, and strangers - all of whom could relate to his story in one way or another. It was his hope and courageous fight with cancer that allowed his speech to not only captivate the emotions (pathos) of the entire audience, but all who were watching at home in front of their TV. Jimmy V accomplished this by being upbeat and positive about the situation, talking directing about the personal health and safety of loved one, and having a great cause to support in cancer research.

The tone in Jimmy Valvano’s speech is very outgoing and lively. He easily grabs the attention of the audience by being so humble and grateful, speaking softly for the people who took notice of him. His vibrant, animated personality coupled with his charismatic way of living is infectious. He begins, “I can’t tell you what an honor it is to even be mentioned in the same breath with Arthur Ashe” (a tennis player whom the award is named after) (V Foundation). Not once does he begin to draw attention to himself or his accomplishments in the entire message. After explaining how he doesn’t have a cue card telling him his allotted time left, he half-jokingly says he’s going to speak longer than anyone else. He explains, “That’s the way it goes. Time is very precious to me. I don’t know how much I have left, and I have some things that I would like to say. Hopefully, at the end, I will have said something that will be important to other people, too” (V Foundation). That last statement would prove to be true. His credibility is noted by being trustworthy and genuine in everything he did or said. Although his health condition was life threatening, his positive attitude and persevering heart is memorable. It became implanted in others hearts. He built his ethos by being very trustworthy and genuine in everything he did or said.

He also shares some insight on his daily struggle with cancer. By using logos, he says nothing changed about the way he lived each day. “To me, there are three things we all should do everyday. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh everyday. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. Number three is you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, you cry that’s a full day. That’s a heck of a day” (V Foundation). He then makes you a promise, which is remarkable, if you follow his invitation: “You do that seven times a week, you’re going to have something special” (V Foundation). Although very simple, he shares these things as a great reminder for all who are struggling and forget to do them. Coming from someone with cancer, it is very powerful and an effective way to connect to the pathos of the audience. He gets his listeners interested in the way he finds lasting happiness and joy every day. His condition makes it all the more compelling. We could all benefit by doing the things he mentioned here, regardless of age or circumstances, because of the simplicity and sincerity in which it was delivered.

With nearly three decades of coaching college basketball and a 1989 ACC coach of the year award under his belt, Jimmy V was a renowned person on and off the court with as much experience as any other great coach. The key to his success as a couch was accredited to three things: devotion to family, religion and, of course, Rutgers basketball. As he remembered these things, his passion and exuberance for them propelled him to his status as a coach. This is present in his delivery. He had a great mentor and role model in Vince Lombardi, who was also a great coach. He had a goal in mind, and it was to become as great of a coach as Lombardi. Jimmy learned to motivate his players just as Vince did. He would always remind them to remember where they came from. He shares some wise counsel of goal making. “It’s so important to know where you are. I know where I am right now. How do you go from where you are to where you want to be? I think you have to have an enthusiasm for life. You have to have a dream, a goal. You have to be willing to work for it” (V Foundation). Jimmy V lived this each day, and especially towards the end of his difficult battle with cancer. Although he was taken prematurely from his family, he was able to become so successful in life. His life and legacy was indicative of his ethos and what he told all of us in his speech that night in 1993.

He later touched on strength and courage, the very thing he was the recipient of, and spoke of his family, "People think I have courage. The courage in my family are my wife Pam, my three daughters, here, Nicole, Jamie, LeeAnn, my mom, who’s right here too” (V Foundation). He recognized them and their efforts to keep him going. He was a great example of relying on family through hard times. They too were weighed down by the burden Jimmy faced. It was an extremely difficult time for all of them, and the only way they were able to persevere was by uniting together as one in the fight, bearing each other up.

As with all televised broadcasts, there are time limits. However, Valvano had more things to share and was determined to say them, “That screen is flashing up there 30 seconds (remaining) like I care about that screen right now huh? I got tumors all over my body. I’m worried about some guy in the back going 30 seconds?” (V Foundation) Jimmy humorously got a little irritated there, but with reason. The crowd all wanted to hear what he had to say. He continued with a challenge to everyone, “I just got one last thing; I urge all of you, all of you, to enjoy your life, the precious moments you have. To spend each day with some laughter and some thought, to get your emotions going” (as if they hadn’t already been moved) (V Foundation). He then tells everyone to be enthusiastic every day and quotes the great Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Nothing great could be accomplished without enthusiasm” (V Foundation). It’s clear that this worked for him and his many challenges, and the audience is left wondering the same thing: ‘Could this work for me too?’ They all left there with a great desire to follow his advice.

Jimmy Valvano had accomplished so much up until this point in his life, yet he still wanted to do more, “What I would like to be able to do is spend whatever time I have left and to give, and maybe, some hope to others” (V Foundation). He talks about his new foundation, The Jimmy V Foundation, and their goal to find a cure for cancer - they won’t stop until they do. He brings in their need for assistance and the logos appeal, “We need your help. I need your help. We need money for research. It may not save my life. It may save my children’s lives. It may save someone you love” (V Foundation). In order to get his point across he states some terrifying facts, “...I...tell you that one in every four will be afflicted with this disease, and yet some how, we seem to have to put in a little bit of the background" (V Foundation). In addition to being an eye-opening statement, this fact is clear and concise; it creates a strong reason to support such a wonderful cause.

Jimmy V’s use of pathos is certainly the most effective of them all. He is able to get through to people in such a personal way - talk about the health and well-being of their loves ones. No one is immune to disease or health problem and that is why his words are able to get through to people so well. His words penetrated everyone’s hearts as well as his foundation’s motto, “Don’t give up. . . Don’t ever give up” (V Foundation). He passed away just eight weeks later, and his great words and his strength would be remembered by countless individuals. The resounding effects of cancer resonated with the audience. It pierced their emotions and gave Jimmy V a chance to transform a tragedy into an opportunity to inform and uplift.

Work Cited

(V Foundation)

"ESPY Awards Speech." The V Foundation for Cancer Research. Web. 10 Oct. 2015.

<http://www.jimmyv.org/about-us/remembering-jim/jimmy-v-espy-awards-speech/>.

(16) Research Paper

Enrique Garcia

Steadman

Writing 150

3 November 2015

Positive Effects of Single-Parenting

           Introduction

Ever since I can remember my parents have been separated. At first, it was just temporary, but then in early 2001 they both agreed to part ways permanently - the divorce was final.  It wasn’t the typical “He-said, she-said” divorce. It was something that had to happen. There was no choice. There were no other options BUT divorce.

Alcoholism is a real disease that, unfortunately, was the main culprit. Everything seemed to spiral down from there. The decision to finalize the divorce went back and forth, the usual get back together, break-up pattern until enough was enough. My mother would eventually gain full custody of all three kids fairly quickly and easy due to the fact that my father wasn't in the position to care for us. He was ready to move on, as were we.

The actual court process was as easy as 1, 2, 3 considering the harsh circumstances. On the other hand, what would proceed after was anything but easy. My mom went from being a stay at home mom to being stranded without a house and forced into Provo city housing all in a matter of a few short days. She had no choice, taking into account that she didn’t have a job. Desiring a fresh start and a new career, she put herself through school. From what would have been a 2-3 year Pharmacy Tech program, she was able to cram it all into 9 months. Not only that, but she was 8 months pregnant with my younger sister at the time. When she was due, she had exactly 1 week off for maternity leave. Once that short break was up, she headed back to school. Just like that. She endured an extremely tough time in her life and she did it all for her kids and it manifested her love. Great things come from love and friendships that strong.

From that point on, she would raise us alone - she was a single parent. My mother is a very hard working woman and she has proved that over the years. She has worked multiple jobs in order to support us financially, and she has also carried the load of filling the roles of two parents. That’s clearly not an easy task, even for two parents, let alone for one.

The typical “single-parent” stereotype consists of an overwhelming amount of negative connotations. However, the positive outcomes that have come as a result of the same way my mom has raised her kids are even more remarkable. We have evolved into very mature, self-reliant individuals, our family has built a foundation on the Gospel, and we have become a close-knit family through difficult times.

Background

Single parenthood isn’t something parents should have to do; nobody should have to go through it, yet it is so prevalent in the world today. The most common reason for single parenthood is divorce. Many are aware of the general upward trend in divorce rate in the United States. In fact, “the rates increased by a factor of 17 during a period in which U.S. divorce statistics are available. Thus, the rate went up from only 0.3 per 1,000 population in 1867 to 5.3 per 1,000 population in 1979” (Paul C. Glick and Sung-Ling Lin). These numbers are staggering and still increasing today. Every case varies in different situations, however common factors that are closely related to this “include the increasing education and employment levels of women as well as the decline in large families” (Glick, Paul C., and Sung-Ling Lin). With that increase of women participating in school and the work force indicates a huge change in society resulting in conflicts in marriages and single parents raising kids alone.

           According to Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2009, a report released by the U.S. Census Bureau every two years, “there are approximately 13.7 million single parents in the United States today, and those parents are responsible for raising 22 million children” (Grall). It is easy to think that all of these single-parent families are bad and the statistic shouldn’t be so high. Well, that is all they are: numbers on paper. There are many false assumptions about single parents - particularly single mothers. Most believe all situations turn out bad and have vastly different negative outcomes. In reality, not all cases are identical and should not be compared apples to apples, just as not everyone fits a perfect mold in the world today.

The assumption that "most" single mothers are were single from the outset is false. From that same report, of the mothers who are custodial parents, “44.2% are currently divorced or separated, 36.8% have never been married, 18% are married or remarried, and 1.1% were widowed” (Grall). Despite negative assumptions that most single moms "selfishly" chose to raise their kids solo, the majority of individuals raising children alone started out in committed relationships and never expected to be single parents.

Another assumption about single moms is that most are unemployed. Again, that notion is not true according to the Census data: “76% of custodial single mothers are gainfully employed (53.2% work full time, year round and 22.8% work part-time or part-year)” (Grall). There are many single mothers out there, including mine, who are hardworking and want the best for their kids.

Children Become Self-Reliant

Although divorce and single-parenthood can be really hard on both the parents and kids, challenges provide an opportunity to grow to be self-reliant. The kids carry twice the load - twice the responsibility, and twice the emotional baggage. I remember very well when I was a very young age picking up extra responsibilities such as extra chores, helping take care of my sister, and help make dinner, all while mom was still trying to get home from work. We both stepped up to support my mom who had a lot on her plate. To illustrate my reasoning of self-reliance, an article from cedu.niu.edu found that, “Adolescents in single-parent homes learn to take on more responsibility and become more self-reliant, have a better understanding of adults than their peers, and often have a good, strong relationship with the parent they live with” (Yackley). By picking us the extra slack of responsibilities, I learned how to be self-reliant. The responsibilities pile up and if the kids don’t assist in the effort of carrying the load, like we learned how to do, the family will fall apart. That’s obviously not what happened in our case. We were able to strongly resist those negative outcomes.

Shared responsibilities are essential for success in a single parent home. Children don’t just have ordinary chores done in order to earn an allowance. Instead their contributions to the family as a whole system are necessary. The family has roles to be filled and requires each family member to do their part in the home.

If it weren’t for our upbringing starting from the time when were very young, there would be drastically different results. We would have found ourselves struggling even more. The desire for a sense of success and accomplishment is credit to our mom. It was her example to us of strength and perseverance that grew on us. It was so powerful and we wanted to be just like her. She was done with feeling like a failure to herself and her kids. When she finally came to that breaking point, there was no going back. Instead, she felt it was critical to turn things around a complete 180 degrees, and that is exactly what she did.

We picked ourselves up and pressed forward with hope that we could make it on our own. That was when we ended up moving to Eagle Mountain where we found and purchased our first home; I was so excited for a fresh start as well as incredibly proud of how far we had come. I was 8 years old at the time and I was not only ready for the responsibilities that normally come around that age plus more. I never knew different from the situation I was in because I had never experienced anything else. As I’ve grown up and looked back, I’ve gained an appreciation for the challenges. I’m grateful for my mom and all she did. She provided everything we needed plus more. Of course there were times when she struggled to do it on her own, but others in the family or ward would be there to keep us on our feet.

Built on Foundation

Family is the one of the most important things that has remained intact in my life. We have been through the best of times as well as the hardest times. When I say we I’m speaking of us and our extended family, mainly my grandparents who have helped support us and have always been there when no one else was.

It takes a whole lot of effort and sometimes more than one person to raise a child. In fact, Jennifer Wolf, a single parent expert, said, “children raised in single parent families are often raised by a village of supporters. In many cases, members of the extended family will step up and play a significant role in the children’s lives” (Wolf). That “village” of supporters for me has included everyone from LDS Church Bishop, ward members, leaders, extended family, other good Samaritans who we have crossed paths with, and most importantly my grandma and grandpa.

Whether it was financially, emotionally, or physically they have always been there to support, provide, and assist us in anything. We could call on them any day of the week and they were available. Even times when we were struggling and no one else knew about it, they knew, and they cared enough to go out of their way to serve us. They have also been great examples to me and my siblings of selfless service, love, and everything good.

An emphasis my mom has succeeded in making a priority in our lives has been the Gospel. Before my mom, the gospel was taught but wasn’t a reinforced effort to teach the Church in previous generations in the family. After growing up in the Church and having great examples in her parents to look up to, she has strived to continue that teaching in her own home and further it even more. It’s been an amazing blessing to grow up, not only having that knowledge, but living it and having it enforced in the home, where true conversion happens.

In a BC Studies titled, "Families That Pray Together, Stay Together,” it focuses on the relationship religion and family have in the home. It reads, [From the pulpit and the pew, within their households and churches, Protestants helped to both reproduce and challenge the family ideal in postwar British Columbia and Canada. Church discourse, and religion itself, shaped family roles and relations within Pentecostal and United Church homes--but never in a totalizing way. It was not by accident that the fifties became (and remain) a metaphor for family values in the social imaginary] (Block). As mentioned, having religion has helped shape the rest of the family and Church history. Family was organized around a foundation of religion and it has held firm over a long period of time.

Religious systems, regardless of the belief, have been shown to provide family roots. It has influenced goals and values that should be sought in family life and the appropriate means to achieve them. An article, “Religion and Conflict in Marital and Parent-Child Relationships,” says that, “religion also offers families strategies that may facilitate or hinder the resolution of conflict after it erupts” (Mahoney). In short, families that are rooted in a religion and devote time and effort to living it in their home find that they are strengthened and united together.

Strong Love and Closeness

Another positive outcome from living in a single-parent family is that, “adolescents feel more valued by the parent they live with” (Yackley). Single parents may depend on their adolescents for help with day-to-day chores and responsibilities and truly appreciate the help they get from their adolescent; in turn, the adolescent feels their parent values them.

This deep love, value, and appreciation that is shown by a single mother has been evident in our close-knit family. Any shortcomings have been responded with support, encouragement, and empathy. We have been united through our trials together and it has brought us closer together. Despite our differences, we can collaborate and work together effectively. When we are there supporting each other, we are able to lean on each other’s individual strength and enjoy happiness together.

Strong bonds can be developed between a single parent and their kids who are dependent upon each other. “By spending quality one-on-one time with them, it allows you to develop a unique bond that may actually be stronger than someone’s who isn’t a single parent” (Wolf). This can be a distinguishing factor for a single parent that no other parent can say they have. It makes the family bonds very special and unique. A quote by Brandi Snyder can apply to single parents, “To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world.”

Conclusion

While we have changed dramatically for the better, my mom has also developed into a strong, independent women by learning and growing along the way. Our family and many other single-parent families in the world, are tried and true examples that children can turn out just fine. It’s only a matter of the parent and kid(s) collaborating in a systematic way. My hope is that people realize this and make it a part of their lives. The indispensable things that we gained are maturity and Self-reliance, a foundation built on our beliefs in the Church, and each member of our family has grown closer together.

There's no such thing as a "normal family." Families can be looked at in the same way: without judgment, no matter what the situation may be. As for our family, we have grown stronger and closer together. I've never found the need to use our circumstances as an excuse that we can't have lasting happiness. We all have our own take on things; we can both be down about things and dwell on the past, or we can put our best foot forward and build on what we have. That being said, I definitely wouldn't change anything about what happened in the past. It doesn’t define us; rather the way we reacted in the heat of it all defines us. I know are strong because we haven't let this control or dictate our everyday lives.

This is all a result of a single mother’s large effort in parenting and focus on raising us to be the best we can be. In addition, our willingness to obey and follow through with her wise counsel. In our family there has been extraordinary giving of love, support, and encouragement equaling, if not surpassing, a traditional two-parent family.

Work Cited

Block, Tina. ""FAMILIES THAT PRAY TOGETHER, STAY TOGETHER": Religion, Gender, and Family in Postwar Victoria, British Columbia." BC Studies. Spring 2005 Issue 145: P31-54. Database

Glick, Paul C., and Sung-Ling Lin. "Recent Changes in Divorce and Remarriage." Journal of Marriage and Family Vol. 48.No. 4 (Nov., 1986): 737-47. Database

Grall, Timothy S. "Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2009." United States

Census, 2009. Web.

Mahoney, Annette. "Religion and Conflict in Marital and Parent-Child Relationships." Journal of Social Issues Dec 2005 Vol. 61.Issue 4: P689-706. 18p. Database

Wolf, Jennifer. "5 Positive Effects of Single Parenting." About.com Parenting. Web. 4 Nov. 2015.

Yackley, April. “Single-Parent Families." Single Parent Families. Web. 4 Nov. 2015.